When My Car Wouldn’t Start: My Anxiety Diagnosis and the God Who Meets Us There

My feet were frozen to the ground. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to do next. I had to pick my kids up at school in minutes, my husband was hours away at a retreat in rural Texas, and I was alone. I was on my own this week taking care of my three kiddos. My son had an important doctor’s appointment and I walked out of the house, opened the car door, sat in the driver’s seat, turned the key… And nothing. There was a clicking sound and nothing else.

For the last few hours, I had sat in my living room pouring my heart out to God in my journal, attempting to process and comprehend a super dark time in our ministry walk. Everything seemed to be going wrong and the harder we tried to handle the storms with faith and integrity, the waves just kept getting bigger. I was determined to do the right thing, be the bigger person, process my emotions well, but it was too much. The hours I had wrestled with God had caused my heart to sink deeper into despair. My chest was tight, my mind was heavy, and I snapped my journal shut in defeat. No scripture brought peace; no amount of honesty found freedom. I just felt like the worse it got, it was going to just keep getting worse.

And now, my car wouldn’t start. A self-fulfilling prophecy. My children had to be picked up and I couldn’t get there. Panic gripped my heart. I felt so alone. I got out, popped the hood, looked at the engine and froze. I couldn’t move. Maybe my vehicle was an alien spacecraft, because I didn’t know what the heck I was looking at. Having jumped plenty of cars in my life, I knew what to do. But what was it? What do I need? Jumper cables? I have those. But what do I do? I was alone. Utterly alone. My mind was swimming. My heart was pounding. I didn’t feel alive. I felt like I was in a dream, disconnected from reality.

The only thing I did know was I needed help. I called my husband. Not knowing if he had phone service, I just clicked his face on my phone and hoped. Two rings, and I felt a rush of relief when he answered. I heard myself describe my situation. He told me what to do. I knew what to do. That wasn’t the problem. I couldn’t do it. My body wouldn’t move. I couldn’t perform the tasks. I could barely form coherent sentences and even those were iffy. He asked me a few questions. I could hear the concern in his voice. If I could feel concerned, I would have been worried about me too. He told me to hold on. He was calling a church member to come check on me.

My next-door neighbor drove past while I was standing there wondering. My feet were able to carry me next door and I asked for help. He looked at my car, and allowed me to use his spare vehicle to go get my kids. A church member met me at the house later that afternoon, jumped my car, drove away, and dropped it off later with a new battery, freshly filled tires, and washed and sparkling. He looked at me with concern, but I plastered a smile on my face and thanked him profusely. I am still so grateful for those two men. They had no idea how badly I needed help that day.

I was slipping quickly into the deepest, darkest mental place I have ever been. Later that week, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, along with depression and PTSD. Oddly enough, the anxiety diagnosis echoed a diagnosis my son had received a couple of years prior. In my life before having children, I rarely struggled with worry. I was so confident that God had my back and I was on the right track that anxiety was a foreign concept. Maybe I worried about a test grade or my master’s thesis, but I didn’t wear anxiety on my heart like a too-tight jacket day in and day out. Years of parenting a special-needs child and walking the very rocky terrain of ministry life left my reservoir of trust completely dry. Managing year after year, crisis after crisis at our church revitalization in Houston had taken a huge toll. Walking with my son through his aggressive mood disorder proved to be entirely too much for me to handle.

Time has passed since that particular anxiety attack, but I still know what it’s like to lie awake at 2 a.m., heart racing over something I can’t even fully name. This has been an all-too-common occurrence over the last few years. And the most debilitating anxiety for me doesn’t even happen at night. It happens in the most unexpected moments in my day when I’m pushing through my “to-do list,” focusing on the important tasks before me, and all of a sudden, I can’t breathe. My heart feels tight, my body becomes aware of impending doom lurking somewhere out in the world. Doom that has no name, no cause, and no objective. Just something bad.

This is today, to be honest. This is why I’m writing about it. I begin to feel it in my body and it starts to creep out into my tone with my kids, my reaction to my husband’s touch, my focus (or lack thereof). I used to ignore it, push through it, criticize my irrationality. Now, I’m learning to do better. I’m learning to embrace it. Not that I enjoy it or welcome it. But I’m not as scared of the doom as I once was. I lean in, listen, and let it tell me whatever I need to hear.

Before my anxiety diagnosis, I had spent a lot of time trying to wrap my brain around the diagnosis for my son. I knew so much about it, but had never experienced it. And with all that knowledge, I felt entirely unprepared to wrap my brain around the same diagnosis for me. I had no idea what he lived with every day. This is hard. Some days feel so heavy that I feel like I am carrying a physical weight of emotional pain. If that’s ever been you too, I want you to know something before we go any further: you’re not alone. Not even close. In fact, we are in good company.

Just How Common Is Anxiety?

Anxiety disorders are now considered the most common mental health condition in the world. The World Health Organization estimates that hundreds of millions of people are living with an anxiety disorder globally, making it one of the greatest public health challenges of our time. Did you hear that? Hundreds of millions. That’s a lot of people. Here in the United States, nearly 1 in 5 adults experiences an anxiety disorder each year, and almost 1 in 3 of us will face one at some point in our lifetime.

Read that again. Those aren’t just numbers on a page. They’re our neighbors. Our coworkers. The woman leading Bible study with a steady voice and a shaking hand. The dad coaching Little League who hasn’t slept well in weeks. The college student sitting three rows back at church, scrolling through everyone else’s highlight reel. And yes, some days it’s me too. Like today.

We Carry More Than We Say Out Loud

Women carry an especially heavy load here. The National Institute of Mental Health has found that women experience anxiety disorders at significantly higher rates than men, a gap researchers have consistently observed across nearly every type of anxiety disorder. Scientists point to a mix of biological, hormonal, psychological, and social factors. But if you asked most women why, I think a lot of us would just say: life feels heavy.

We’re holding so much: kids, aging parents, marriages, careers, ministries, friendships, homes, budgets that never quite stretch far enough. And all this in a world that never really lets us slow down. For me, it’s special-needs parenting, difficult ministry assignments, and working multiple jobs to help ease the financial pressure that comes with the medical and therapy bills that accompany those special needs. Is it really any wonder our hearts feel quietly overwhelmed?

What Breaks My Heart Most

If I’m being honest, the statistic above makes so much sense. Why wouldn’t so many people be struggling with anxiety? The fast pace, the economic strain, the lack of proper support structures. I can see why so many adults are struggling with basic adulting. Even just getting by is hard. But what brings me pause is the next statistic. It’s about our kids.

Nearly one in three adolescents will experience an anxiety disorder before they even reach adulthood. The CDC reports that 11% of children ages 3 to 17 currently have a diagnosed anxiety disorder, with girls slightly more affected than boys. And between 2016 and 2023, diagnosed anxiety among adolescents rose by more than 60%.

My son is one of those kids, and he is far from alone. So many kids in his school also bear the daily burden of anxiety. Our kids are growing up under a weight previous generations never had to carry in quite this way: the endless information, constant stimulation, academic pressure, the quiet cruelty of social comparison, and a world that never seems to pause long enough to let them catch their breath.

Where I Keep Landing: Anxiety and Faith

I don’t share any of this to scare or overwhelm you. We certainly all have enough of that already! I share it because these numbers remind me, and I hope they remind you, that anxiety isn’t some isolated, shameful struggle. If you’ve wrestled with racing thoughts, a pounding heart, sleepless nights, or the exhausting loop of what if, what if, what if — you are so far from alone.

Here’s what I keep coming back to: God is not surprised by the anxiety of our age. Long before smartphones, 24-hour news, or calendars packed too full, He already knew the human heart wrestles with fear. And all through Scripture, He meets anxious people with the same steady response: His presence.

The Bible never tells us our fears aren’t real. It never minimizes what we’re carrying. Instead, it keeps inviting us to bring those fears to a God who is near, who is compassionate, and who can be trusted with exactly what we’re holding. We’ll explore this deeper in another post.

For me, there are two very crucial truths that I hold onto when I am faced with the grim reality of my own anxiety and the anxiety epidemic facing the world. The first is this: this doesn’t have to be our story and identity. We were made for so much more than being ruled by our disordered fears. We can learn to flourish and thrive in a world built for fear and overwhelm. It takes making intentional and purposeful decisions every day to move toward something different, but it is absolutely possible. We know the Designer and He gives us a blueprint for living above the noise in connection with the Comforter.

Which brings me to my second crucial truth: overcoming anxiety means reaching past the pain to the one thing that truly calms it. That is walking in the presence of God. God’s presence meets us in our anxiety and calms the storms. He’s very good at calming storms. In the storm of my anxiety, I look for Jesus walking on the water to me alone in my storm-tossed boat. I hear Him invite me to come to Him. The question always remains and the decision is mine: step out of the boat and go to Him or tuck my head, shut my eyes, and hope that the storm will pass.

An extension of His presence in my life that I find to be crucial in times of strong anxiety is the comforting presence of a few trusted members of my faith family. Being with someone is so important. Isolation fuels fear while a calming presence quells it. Find those people who will be that extension of God’s presence for you in those moments. Trusted friends who will pour God’s truth over your fearful heart in those moments as a balm of healing for your soul. (Also, be those people who act as an extension of God’s presence for other people’s moments. I have stories about those people too.)

Sources

Adolescent Mental and Behavioral Health, 2023
National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NCBI Bookshelf)

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Any Anxiety Disorder.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/any-anxiety-disorder

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/generalized-anxiety-disorder

National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). Anxiety Disorders.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Data and Statistics on Children’s Mental Health.
https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/index.html

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Mental Health Data.
https://www.cdc.gov/mental-health/data-research/index.html

World Health Organization (WHO). Anxiety Disorders Fact Sheet.
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/anxiety-disorders

Bitsko, R. H., et al. (2022). Mental Health Surveillance Among Children, United States, 2013-2019. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, MMWR Supplements, 71(2), 1-42.
https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/71/su/su7102a1.htm

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Key Substance Use and Mental Health Indicators in the United States.
https://www.samhsa.gov/data/